My Butthole FInally Exploded

I've always known this was going to happen sometime. And as time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' into the future, my intestines keep slippin', slippin', slippin' right on out my butthole. My poor butthole.
There are several things that run through your head while you are losing your reverse anal virginity. The asshole may not have a hyman that breaks if something large enters it, but it sure as hell has plenty of blood and swollen tissue just dying to see the light of day if you have consistantly giant turds, which I do.
My mom always had bathroom trouble, but that was mainly because she screwed up her digestive sysytem with anorexic antics when I was a child. My dad is fairly regular. I'm not sure what went wrong with me. My recently acquired therapist says that anorexia is basically an addiction and he feels that my life has been very effected by addiction. Maybe I became addicted to not pooping until I form large mossy rocks in my bowels. I have Greco-Roman bowels. I'm shitting corinthian architecture.
So, a pertinant question at this point is what to do about it, right?
I've thought of several things. I have really relaxed on my vegetarian stance lately and that could be causing adverse effects. I have considered upping my fiber intake and applying soothing creams or oinments. I have considered moving into a Sitz Bathe for a year or two.
But I finally decided that I must just be remiss in my communication with Saint Anustine, the patron saint of buttholes. To remedy this, I am repeating a latin prayer to her on the occurance of each bowel movement.
"In nomine anus, et spiritus rectum..."

I Am A Girl: Discuss

I personally have mixed feelings on the subject. My dad used to think I was a feminist. I definitely disagree there. I just get annoyed when I hear stereotypes and when I see people of my gender fall into them so easily. It's the same with anything else though. But, I suppose I do have a sore spot when it comes to female stereotypes. I mean, I can hear a joke making fun of my race or someone elses and, as long as a know that the person telling the joke isn't racist(and sometimes even if I don't know- I know I'm not and that's good enough for me. Naturally, certain times call for discretion), I will usually find that sort of humour appealing. All the jokes about women seem to have to do with mood swings, poor driving skills or addictions to such things as shopping and chocolate. I don't particularly care for jokes about males either. They usually involve an average heavy-set couch potato type who lacks skills of observation. I guess I just don't find funny anything relating to gender.
Part of me gets very angry with myself for the natural suspicion that seems to dwell in most females regarding the other members of their gender. It rears it's ugly head in myself sometimes. Women do seem more suspicious of your average 'other female' than men seem of your average 'other male', don't they?
I want more female friends. I want more people worldwide to restore my faith in the general intelligence of both genders.
It would be strange if there was some sort of guided genital missile that targeted the genitalia of a certain race.
Would anyone like to sponsor me in the AIDS Walk in June? I am accepting checks and money orders of all sorts.