autumn, by any other name...

autumn's smell draws me out of the house and walks me down synaptic lanes fired in the kiln of my hippocampus. (bet you're sorry you started reading this already. yeah. woo-hoo!!!)
inhale decay, exhale life. wash the dishes and wake up with the grey light of a fall morning placed and displaced through leaded glass. my best friend sleeps beside me wrapped warm in a soft blanket.
what am i waiting for? life gurgles up from the wellspring of my heart, not the fluid world around me.
craving communication and warmth, i open a soup can of letters only to find that my lover has found satisfaction with another. so i hit the old anticipation bottle once again.
it's only a feeling. none of it is real, despite the catch in my throat.
i was reading about the nature of the mind the other day. apparently, my mind knows what it's doing if i can just learn to leave it alone. i pile story upon story on top of it and then blame it for all the trouble it's causing me. it's beautiful. with the exception of the fact that i'm not sure what it would do without me, it really doesn't need me at all. from what i gather, if i could explain it, it would be wrong. conceptual intelligence cannot describe the supranatural. thinking about myself is the same as thinking about someone else, which both gives me free license to egocentric behavior and makes it completely undesirable. it's always two people- or more. me and me watching me. i would think it's all a bunch of hoobajube if i didn't feel things that are completely diametrically visceral and yet fundamentally concrete. will i ever get comfortable with uncertainty?
will i ever stop writing maudlin metaphysical poo-poo? will i shave my turds down to a more anally managable size if i drink more water and eat less cheese? will my shamrock plant survive winter and a house full of cats? how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood? did anyone see the death of the australian alligator-pants animal planet guy coming? i sure didn't. but then, i'm living in the present. i don't solve mysteries, man, i live them. hee hee.