am i trying to date a girl?
Upon driving home from the grocery, I ONCE AGAIN started getting frustrated by the politics of friendship. Natalie Portman started me thinking about this because, you see, she checked me out at the grocery store. She was a little snaggle-toothed, but cute. Since I was buying beer (Genesee Cream Ale in a can! I never buy canned beer. This was 5.98/12pk and according to a recent Brew Magazine, it is award-winning and tastes similar to MALT LIQUOR!!! Yehaa!), she checked my license and saw that my first name is Courtney. So she says, "You're a Courtney, too! Aren't we the best?" I looked at her name tag.
Her demeanor was award-winning- which brings me back to beer- which is, at this point, no revelation.
So, anyway, imagine a slightly snaggle-toothed Natalie Portman saying it. This girl had the most sincere smile I have ever seen. I admitted that I was partial to Courtney's and immediately wished I was friends with this girl. At the least likely times, I run across people that I randomly feel a strong connection to despite my pseudo-antisocial nature. (I say it's pseudo because I honestly can't tell these days.) The next logic evolutionary progression in this series of afternoon events was, of course, melancholy. How could I possibly become friends with this girl? This is a subject I've waxed poetic on at least once before, but, folks, the horse ain't dead. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if it's a horse at all. I was giving this matter SO much thought- trying to figure out if there was a good way to become friends with strangers (ahem, the other Courtney) without scaring them/her. If you don't want to come right out and tell someone that you want to get to know them better, then you have to orchestrate events so that you "coincidentally" run into someone enough times, preferably in settings conducive to the budding of friendships. And then, what if they find out later that you became friends with them on purpose? That could be the end of your long sought after friendship. Frankly, you will look and feel like a weirdo- even though my whole body and mind revolts against the idea of letting society and normalcy dictate the birth and construction of any friendship. It should be that hard to become someone's friend. It just shouldn't. Ladies and gentlemen, it was at that point that I started questioning my motives. The whole line of reasoning, the whole consternation over a thwarted friendship with a snaggle-toothed cashier at the grocery store, the devious plotting to make her mine- was I trying to ask this girl out? It hit me like a wave of poisonous relief. Telling someone you want to get to know them better sounds suspiciously like asking to date them. And somehow, I feel like asking her out on a date would probably be more well-received than asking to be her "friend". I mean, come on. One option makes me look like a loser and one makes me look like an attractive lesbian. I pick attractive lesbian. In the immortal words of Mr. Richard Butler in the post-Psychedelic Furs fame that went by the name of Love Spit Love, Am I Wrong?
Comments given by charming girls named Courtney with friendly countenances will be given preferential consideration. Thank you.
Her demeanor was award-winning- which brings me back to beer- which is, at this point, no revelation.
So, anyway, imagine a slightly snaggle-toothed Natalie Portman saying it. This girl had the most sincere smile I have ever seen. I admitted that I was partial to Courtney's and immediately wished I was friends with this girl. At the least likely times, I run across people that I randomly feel a strong connection to despite my pseudo-antisocial nature. (I say it's pseudo because I honestly can't tell these days.) The next logic evolutionary progression in this series of afternoon events was, of course, melancholy. How could I possibly become friends with this girl? This is a subject I've waxed poetic on at least once before, but, folks, the horse ain't dead. In fact, I'm starting to wonder if it's a horse at all. I was giving this matter SO much thought- trying to figure out if there was a good way to become friends with strangers (ahem, the other Courtney) without scaring them/her. If you don't want to come right out and tell someone that you want to get to know them better, then you have to orchestrate events so that you "coincidentally" run into someone enough times, preferably in settings conducive to the budding of friendships. And then, what if they find out later that you became friends with them on purpose? That could be the end of your long sought after friendship. Frankly, you will look and feel like a weirdo- even though my whole body and mind revolts against the idea of letting society and normalcy dictate the birth and construction of any friendship. It should be that hard to become someone's friend. It just shouldn't. Ladies and gentlemen, it was at that point that I started questioning my motives. The whole line of reasoning, the whole consternation over a thwarted friendship with a snaggle-toothed cashier at the grocery store, the devious plotting to make her mine- was I trying to ask this girl out? It hit me like a wave of poisonous relief. Telling someone you want to get to know them better sounds suspiciously like asking to date them. And somehow, I feel like asking her out on a date would probably be more well-received than asking to be her "friend". I mean, come on. One option makes me look like a loser and one makes me look like an attractive lesbian. I pick attractive lesbian. In the immortal words of Mr. Richard Butler in the post-Psychedelic Furs fame that went by the name of Love Spit Love, Am I Wrong?
Comments given by charming girls named Courtney with friendly countenances will be given preferential consideration. Thank you.
posted by la fille du fromage at 4:05 PM
11 Comments:
I, too, want to be an attractive lesbian.
Sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if I had accepted a certain gay invitation I had as a kid instead of laughing it off. It just seemed like a joke to me, but it was so serious to them.
Well, since it sounds like you only said like 5 words to her, it must be that you have a deep down desire to get nekkid with her.
For me, my deep down supicions towards my fellow man take usually weeks to dissipate, but in the past attractive women have seemed quite interesting as they gabbled about beanie babies even when I barely knew them.
you were probably staring at the beanie babies on their collective chests. pervert!
Misster Underhill has missed the point. It is not a desire to get naked, it is a desire to intertwine souls. I recognize this entirely. I fell for exactly that kind of girl on a regular basis. I never once managed to make contact the way I wanted to. It's a weird thing, because what one wants is to become close, without anything being determined from the onset. Let things come into existence as they do, as entirely new things. And yet, one is forced to approach people AS something. Straight, lesbian, blah blah blah. It defeats the purpose. It's hard to be brave enough to try without ready definitions, and I don't know if there's any turning back.
Mister Underhill,
There is a movie, though I don't remember which one, in which someone says about someone else, that if you opened up his head it would be full of furry triangles. I seem to remember that he had dark hair and eyes. Was it you?
It hit me like a wave of poisonous relief. Savory, savory sentence.
I understand your point about asking her out being better received than asking to be her friend. It's harder for me to make any new friendships and I've been introspective about why. It seems to me that it's been harder for me to make lasting friendships after college because of not having that one place in common that unites you in a basic way. I'm pretty antisocial and don't do any volunteering, there are a couple of people at work I'm friendly with but I don't know often hang with those guys out of work. Since it's the grocery (local grocery?) at least you don't have to force or construct opportunities to run into this gal but I agree that it's hard to try chum up with a stranger. Hopefully she'll want to chat more too and will invite you to hang with her. I guess you could do the same but it doesn't change that it would be awkward.
i appreciate all the comments. what a fine predicament we all find ourselves in. jeanne, i like how you put that bit about intertwining souls. well put. i am starting to think you may actually be the voice of god. you know, glitzy, teh idea of going back to that grocery store seems so impossible now. strange. i think i will look visibly embarrassed if i see her. how irrational of me. or maybe i'll just grab her left boob as she is scanning my beer and demand that she give me her number.
that SAME thing happened with me once, ms logic. i exchanged numbers with someone, but there seemed no sane time to call. time just continued...after a certain period of time, it is out of the question. well, i suppose it isn't...you can always hope they will find your awkwardness(ummm) charming?
That's why us bloggers need to stick together.
I have decided before I sell my land to have a big naked jello wrestling meet and invite all my fellow female bloggers to attend.
Be there or be square! Many friendships are sure to be forged!
"Well, truthfullness is next to godliness, or was it some other -ness", she said, looking around at her messy room.
I think it must be meager times in the USA if such a person as you has not found like-minded earthlings who recognize you.
The triangles are pink.
Mr. Underhill,
I don't believe one invitation in childhood would entitle you to pink. Is there more you aren't divulging? Oh, now I get it. Very astute. Why do you waste such a mind? There are ways to play that leave you feeling a lot better afterwards.
This was a fantastic articulation of something I have felt many times.
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