She named her daughter Relief out of respite

For days I've been trying to come up with something that might sound like a category on "Win Ben Stein's Money" that was a play on words using the word 'respite'. I'm dry. I've lost all literary talent or originality. I used to come up with such good ones...."The english teacher wore dipthong underwear" being my alltime favourite. "I pasteur on the way to the dairy farm" being another I rather liked. Oh well. My glory days are gone.
I live in my own special world. And in my world, one day I will read a headline in a paper that reads something along these lines: Normal Child Proves To Be An Inspiration To Retards and Underpriveleged. I am tired of handicapped people and retards providing inspiration to the rest of us. Why can't all the retards be inspired by those with properly functioning faculties and strive to improve?
I also want to be an unequal opportunity employer. Almost everyone in customer service these days is intolerably lazy. I want people to have to pass unfair tests that I administer to them before they get hired. I will continue the wanton distribution of unfair testing throughout the duration of their employment under my secular regime.
Christmas turns everyone into a bastard. Today, this man asked me for a savings bond application at work. When I told him I couldn't take it without a full mailing address, he got indignant. Now, I have been sick for about a week now- coughing uncontrollably and whatnot on the job for several days. I am starting to lose my tolerance for sour-pusses and morons. The idea that the Federal Reserve couldn't just guess the address to send his bond to was ridiculous to him. I told him I was sorry and he irritably said, "Just give it back to me." So I did. Then he wads it up in front of my face. I can be pretty childish when I want to, so I said, "Whatever." And he said, "Yeah, whatever is right." And I said, "Yeah! Whatever." And then I almost couldn't stop smiling at the absurdity of the exchange. I was being childish and I knew it and it was fun. That guy was a moron. I'm done with morons. I'm done with people who aren't nice. I'm done with lazy people. I'm done with people who don't like me and aren't nice to me. And I'm happier for the lot of it.
PS: I am knitting a hat and I hope I know how to knit hats. It's exciting. If it works, I'm moving straight on to socks and not even looking back. EVERYONE wants handknitted socks. Handknat. Handgnat. Order socks from me. I'll make you proud.